A Room with an Alan (S1, E1)

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Synopsis

Alan's wife Carol has kicked him out and he is living at Linton Travel Tavern, a hotel near the A11 in Cambridgeshire. He tells the hotel's manager Susan that his wife is living with a fitness instructor and that insulting graffiti has been sprayed on his car. He encounters handyman Michael, whom he asks to remove the graffiti, but has difficulty understanding Michael due to his strong Geordie accent.

Alan and Lynn view a 5-bedroomed show house, where Alan displays his eccentric behaviour, and manages both to confuse and to bore the estate agent. Alan agrees to buy the house for £324,000, which is £1,000 less than its asking price.

Alan has lunch at BBC Television Centre with Tony Hayers (David Schneider), the fictional programme commissioner of the BBC, about the possibility of a second series of Knowing Me, Knowing You. Apparently unaware of how low his chances really are, he puts the nail in the coffin by reading out an array of ridiculous, badly thought-out programme ideas that bewilder and annoy Tony. When Tony tells him he is not to be re-commissioned, Alan thrusts a large lump of cheeseinto his face and flees the restaurant with the cheese.

After talking to Lynn, Alan returns to his hotel room, attempts to order an Irish coffee, turns on "Jet" by Wings and gives himself a black eye while attempting an athletic leap from his bed to the mini-bar.