Alan Patridge - Quotes and more!

Alan Partridge Big Yellow Taxi Joni Mitchell Quote

That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains that they paved paradise to put up a parking lot. A measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise. Something, which Joanie singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn’t quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Nevertheless, nice song. It’s 4.25 AM, you’re listening to "Up With The Partridge".

Alan Partridge: Give him a second series quote

Alan is having lunch with Tony Hayers. He also needs Peter Linehan who is revamping news and current affairs output at the BBC.

Peter: Tony.

Tony: Peter, hello, how are you?

Peter: Fine, fine.

Tony: Erm, Alan, this is Peter Linehan he’s revamping our current affairs outputs. (Alan shrugs his shoulders)

Peter: We’ve haven’t met, but I liked your chat show.

Alan: Thank you very much.

Peter: Has he given you another series?

Alan: No, he won’t give me one!

Peter: Give him another series you swine!

Alan: Yeah, give me another series you shit!

Tony: Look, Alan I don’t want you to feel… I’ll see you later, Peter. I don’t want you to feel the doors have all closed here at the BBC. If you come up with anything else, then please I dont want you to hesitate…

You ought to have a basic grasp of Latin if you’re working in Curry’s

Hello, is that Curry’s? I’d like to make an enquiry about err, two supplementary auxiliary speakers, to go with my midi hi-fi system. Apropos, achieving surround sound.

Apropos. It’s Latin. You ought to have a basic grasp of Latin if you’re working in Curry’s. Oh you’ve got them. Excellent. Erm, one last thing. What time do you knock off? Fancy going for a drink? Right, ok, just thought I’d ask. Thank you.

Steve Coogan receives Charlie Chaplin Award From BAFTA LA

Steve Coogan received the Bafta LA Charlie Chaplin Britannia Award for Excellence in Comedy at the 2019 British Academy Britannia Awards in Los Angeles on 25th October 2019.

The awards are the biggest event the academy holds outside the UK and took place at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles.

Steve Coogan

“Throughout his three-decade career, Coogan has mastered the art of making people laugh and continues to entertain audiences with his brilliant portrayal of comedic characters,” said BAFTA Los Angeles CEO Chantal Rickards. The Charlie Chaplin Britannia Award for Excellence in Comedy is presented by Jaguar Land Rover.

"His most popular creation – the politically incorrect media personality, Alan Partridge – garnered him worldwide recognition as one of the greatest TV characters. Coogan’s countless achievements make him an incredibly deserving recipient."

A massive congratulations to Steve for some fantastic recognition!

You might eat them in your country, sweetheart, but we don’t here...

Sonja: You want to eat?
Alan: What have we got?
Sonja: We got eggs, we got chicken.
Alan: Which came first!
Sonja: Well, I just buy the chicken on Thursday.
Alan: Chicken’s fine.
Sonja: It’s empty.
Alan: What do you mean?
Sonja: The chicken is empty.
Alan: What do you mean the chicken is empty, do you mean it’s hollow?
Sonja: No, where is the chicken inside the chicken?
Alan: You didn’t buy a display model, did you?
Sonja: The insides.
Alan: Oh, the giblets?
Sonja: Yeah, giblets. Yes, where is that?
Alan: But that’s awful.
Sonja: I like them!
Alan: You might eat them in your country, sweetheart. But we don’t here. I don’t want to eat an intestine, or a chicken heart on a mini muffin! It’s like some sort of voodoo canope!
Sonja: You want to make love? The bed’s ready.
Alan: Nar, I’m fine thanks. Just go and check on Michael.
Sonja: Ok. Alan, I love you.
Alan: Thanks a lot!

... followed by mince and onions

Just stayed in and wached a documentary about quicksand. Then Sonja and I took our tops off and had a cuddle, followed by mince and onions. Doesn’t get much better than that!

You can stop giggling, or I’ll take down your particulars

Can I just shock you?

Can I just shock you? I like wine! Despite what I just said earlier. At any one time I have nine bottles of wine in my house.

Alan Partridge to star in new BBC series about British history

Alan Partridge's forthcoming series is a Simon Schama style historical documentary of Britain.

Production has already begun, filming is set to begin in May 2019, and the show is provisionally called "And Did Those Feet, With Alan Partridge"

The show will once again be directed by Rob and Neil Gibbons, and share writing responsibilities with Steve Coogan.

Dave Lambert, who produced the Partridge documentaries, Scissored Isle and Welcome to the Places of My Life, is also on board, with the series being made by Coogan's production company Baby Cow.

In This Time With Alan Partridge, the awkward broadcaster suggested that "What's fascinating about history is that unlike bread in a bakery or love in a marriage it is never going to run out"

He also took part in a re-enactment of the Peasants Revolt of 1381, running a sword through scores of extras, and had some on-air rivalry with history presenter Sam Chatwin, played by Simon Farnaby.

The Gibbons brothers have previously said they were planning a series with Partridge presenting a history of Britain in which he will "probably bite off more than he can chew".

16 Inspirational Valentines Quotes by Alan Partridge

We all know the best advice in life comes from a certain Alan Partridge.

From a failed marriage with Carol, to flings with Sonja and Jill, use these quotes to your peril!

Initiation 101: "I'm going to hump ya, like Deputy Dawg would hump ya."
Get it started like a pro: "Let battle commence"
Intercourse compliments: "Well Sonja that was classic intercourse. So, er, thanks. Let's just pop the extractor fan on, get a through draught going."
The best Valentine's Day: "That is the best Valentine's I've had in eight years." Jill: "What did you do eight years ago?" Alan: "Just had a better one... Went to Silverstone. Shook Jackie Stewart's hand. Superb. My marriage fell apart soon after that."
Getting intimate: "Your little finger just touched it!"
Seduction technique: Alan: "No, Jill will be sleeping with me tonight." Jill: "I don't recall saying that." Alan: "Oh come on." Jill: "Yeah, alright then."
Always keep work and personal lives separate: "Lynn's not my wife. She's my PA. Hard-worker, but there's no affection."
Health benefits of sex: "It's actually quite good for you. It's cardiovascular exercise, because it's like press ups isn't it?"
Always see the bright side: "Actually the best thing I did, was to get thrown out by my wife. She's living with a fitness instructor. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. He's an idiot."
Mind your appearance: "I was repellent to women for two years"
Valentine's breakfast compliment: "That's the best cooked breakfast I've had since Gary Wilmot's wedding."
Scorcher: "I’m 47. My girlfriend's 33. She's 14 years younger than me. Back of the net!"
Save the big words: Sonja: "Alan, I love you." Alan: "Thanks a lot!"
Always be cautious: "I love you... in a way."
How to get other it: "The day after I confronted her, Carol said she wanted to clear her head so moved out just before Christmas. I sat on the edge of the bath, sobbing and eating a pork pie until the pie was gone - at which point I felt a heck of a lot better."
Best way to spend a date: "Fernando, you’re 22 years old and you’re spending your Saturday afternoon in bed with a girl, you’re wasting your life. It’s a beautiful day. Take her out to a local fort or a Victorian folly."

Always give the sex face!